The Demise of Motherhood

When did being a mother become so second rate?
Since the dawn of time woman's primary physical function was to be a mother. To reproduce and then nurture her child.
Since the increased usage of formula milk in the 1950s women have been told they can 'have it all' and 'be it all' and the pressure has been mounting. Motherhood is no longer enough, expectations are changing.

No longer is it good enough for a woman to spend all day breastfeeding her child. She is expected to be back at work, in her size 8's effortlessly juggling both motherhood and the career. Families arrive at the house of the new edition laden with presents and a stiff upper lip, ready to fawn over the baby and ask, 'is he good', 'does he sleep through yet'? With accusatory glances and the thought mother is not 'coping' if she isn't looking like a stepford wife, with a smile plastered on her face and the house clean and sparkling. Gone are the days when the women folk would rally round and do the chores whilst a mother caught up on some sleep. Instead of home-made casseroles and stew with hand-me-down baby clothes and last generation's knitted cardigans, it's the latest fashions from expensive stores and the assurance in the air that the boring baby part will soon be done, the tedious feeding routine will soon be over and baby will hit that magical milestone. The point they eat solid food and sleep through the night.

People sympathise with new mothers rather than rejoice and embrace the wonder that is a newborn child. It seems that in our 24/7 society only a baby should listen to the constraints of a clock. 4 hourly feeds and 12 hours a night is an aim, an ambition, rather than a stage or a guide and it is these pressures that lead us to wean early.

Society is failing our babies.

If a baby doesn't fit the pattern we desire too often the 'answer' is assumed to be weaning. Age becomes irrelevant, but in a time when we ignore the physiological norm of human kind, we push to one side the natural way to nurture a child. We claim that as creatures of a developing world we no longer need to feed all day to establish a milk supply, we can exchange breast for bottle and afford little worry to the risks of this. Natural antibodies passed through breast milk to prevent illness are not deemed necessary, after all don't we have the medication to cure the illnesses now? A full 12 hours sleep is what we expect to aid us in our return to work after minimal maternity leave. Having a child is now a hurdle to jump, a stone to step on, in our journey through life, promotion to promotion, rather than an achievement in its own right.

Yet we claim 'instinct' tells us our babies 'need' solid food, 'instinct' tells us there is something wrong with a baby who doesn't fit into our preferred routine. Surely 'instinct' is the drive we feel to comfort our baby when they cry? To nurse them when hungry and to protect them from danger. It is 'instinct' that tells a new born baby to nuzzle at a mothers breast, 'instinct' that makes a baby wake and cry for food when hungry, and 'instinct' that stops a baby from chewing and swallowing anything in their mouth until they are close to 6 months old, it is not 'instinct' but society that rushes our baby in to 3 meals a day, 12 hours a night because it is preferable for us.

Early weaning is a relatively new concept. For thousands of years mankind has waited to wean. Before formula milk, food processors and full time employment there was no rush to reach the next stage.

After all once breastfeeding was established and in a time where bed sharing was the norm it was easier not to wean. Rather than spending hours boiling, mashing and spoon feeding fruits and vegetables, the mother would simply nurse the baby until it was able to join the rest of the family and feed himself. It was also more financially sound to feed a baby a mother’s milk that was not only nutritionally rich, but free, in a time where good food and good health were sparse.

So why is it that woman now feel they have to be both mothers and career women? Does it stem from a time when women had to hold the fort whilst men fought for our country? Or is it just coincidence that over 70 years after formula milk was first invented it became so widely used at the same time that women in the workplace were becoming more socially accepted?

Would formula milk have taken off the way it did if women didn't feel they had to work like a man and parent like a mother? Would we wean so early if the people we turn to, parents, grandparents, friends and health professionals were not of a generation in which motherhood is not enough and a women with a promising career ahead of her is expected to make a choice between baby and promotion.

We say we can 'have it all' and 'be it all' but in reality this is not true. Mothers are made to feel that this role is secondary. A women who wishes to be taken as seriously as a man is expected to hand over childcare to another and to wean her child off the breast and train them to sleep as early as possible in order to enable her to put her all in to her job. Those who are stay at home mums are made to feel inferior and their fulfilment and intelligence questioned for wanting to give their time to their baby.

Society is failing our mothers.

In a world where we claim to have equality, who are we kidding?